I’m trying to decide just that so ummm…I’m wondering if somebody could help me tell if it is or not and if it qualifies as poetry and other things ?I won’t even give “it” a name yet (or ever if you don’t think) .So here it is
Thundering along
an open road atop
a majestic beast
Its tail is flying
Its mane is crying
Its hide is sweating dew
here am I gasping for breath
and enjoying the racing view
leaving my worries far behind
upon the wind of day
so soon ,so soon
must we stop
I do hear myself say
never the less
I take him in
and groom the gleaming steed
Oh, what a joy to have
such a beast
a joy ,a joy
Indeed.
So what do you think? Personally, I think it describes very nicely the “riding with the wind” feeling you get when you ride a horse very fast, but that is just my opinion. I would really like to read your opinions! Oh, did anybody figure that the beast was a horse or at least equine of some kind?
This sort of poetry is far outside my very small sphere, so it is beyond my ability to judge whether it qualifies as such. Though I like the image, I wonder if the words could draw better.
“Thundering” and “mane” are so closely associated with horses in my own mind that I would think of them first in almost any literary situation, even if you were talking of “the broad African plain, o’ertopped with broad Aeolian rain with thundering above, and the golden manes of running beasts a-glowing in the last sunrays.” So yes, I thought of a horse.
[...] The idea of this came to me as I was walking home yesterday. It might be partially guided by this: http://milkmaid4.wordpress.com/2010/02/28/not-completemaybe-maybe-not/ [...]
Thank you , for your thoughts on the matter. I will continue to work on it to better it. had not someone outside my family given their thoughts as of good ,bad ,or could be better ,i would have just deleted it.